I'm with Ash on this one, all the E90's onwards have this feature as standard. Even my manual M3 has it.
If it's not working, I would have a word with my SA at the dealer.
For extended phone functionality, it depends on the car. In some cases a module needs to change to get this, in other cases it's and FSC code that they load on your HU. The first option will be expensive, the last not so much.
What specific car are we talking about here?