Urgent lawyer needed for child dispute

[Pho3niX90]

Hey guys.


So my gfs children stay with her ex, but being the douchbag he is he denies her most of the time on visitng rights.

Now recently we have been picking the children up from school on Fridays and every single time their clothes are filthy en socks are rock hard, the are still wearing summer cloths to schools.

Today we went through her schoolbag and found rotten bread in her bag, not 1 but 4 of them. Her books are riddled with commenta from teachers that her grades are dropping, her hair that was cut with a knife (or thats how it seems). When we confronted the dad he's response was to ask the daughter of 6 why it's in her bag.

I am flaming and just want to strangle this guy. But I am taking it the correct route to fight for custody but obviously need a lawyer.

My biggest concern is what if a teacher was to find this in her bag and call child services?

Any suggestions would highly be appreciated!!! Preferably close to centurion.

 

[Magneto]

Sounds like a horrible situation. My question relates to why the children are with the Dad? By default the Mom usually gets primary caregiver status with the Dad contributing to maintenance and getting visitation rights or joint custody.

You seem to have got a whole lot to deal with that was out of your control. As long as you are in this relationship you are going to be dealing with this on a daily basis. 2 bitter ex's at each other's throats, using their kids as weapons in their bitter and twisted games just to get at each other.

Bear in mind, that if my son put a sandwich at the bottom of his bag, it would be unlikely that I would find it before it turned moldy. Don't get caught up in the hype. Think clearly when dealing with conflicts.

The court should have granted visitation rights. If he is denying this, he is in contempt of court. Your girlfriend can sue him and he will pay her legal costs.

 

[Luben]

Before you get lawyers involved I would suggest speaking to people who have been in similar situations and try and find some organizations who can provide you with some advice. Get your ducks in a row before laying out money on a lawyer. Check out section35.co.za I've got a friend who's been through a similar thing so pm me if you want his details for some advice.


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[Pho3niX90]

The reason he has the children is because that at that point in time she couldn't provide for them as a single mother, an agreement was made that she can have them back when everything is in order. Well they are refusing it now. My main concern isn't just the moldy bread but the entire situation. The children are underfed, they complain when going back to the dad because accorsing to them the get hit by the mom in law. I just do not want them to be in that situation since one is 4 and the other is 6.

Me and the girl have been friends for 4 years before we started dating so i know of all the issues

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[S1NGH 911]

Find a decent Attorney and go the Advocate route :thumbs:

Some hired Red Ants to shake him up will also help, there are ways to have it done with no trace back to you :coolShake:

You can really go all out and ruin him if you use the correct avenues :skit:

 

[moranor@axis]

I hope you can resolve this soon not nice at all

 

[Magneto]

Ok. Sounds all very informal. Were there any legal agreements? If not, you have a long road ahead of you. If the kids are being abused or mistreated, you have other options open to you.

Good luck.

 

[Pho3niX90]

Yes there was an agreement made on paper. We have al the documentation ready. We have tried to discuss this as grownups with him but each time he throws a hissy fit and refuses her to see the kids. The girl of 6 has been to 3 different schools this year alone. This us because he was staying at his moms gouse were they were cared for, but he has since moved out into a flat with the 2 kids and a 2 year old from his new gf. His mom actually initially told us that the new step mom abuses the kids when they do not listen.

I do understand to take what a child says with a grain of salt, but as I said from what we have seen just by fetching them from schools make us wonder what conditions they are currently living under.

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[Tris]

Its a k@k situation Shaun, the fact that you care about their well being speaks volumes

I honestly hope the legal route works in your favor

 

[ChrisBrand]

Hey buddy. Really sorry to hear about the situation. Unfortunately i cant give conclusive and meaningful advice wothout hearing all the facts and having the agreement infront of me. However i will advise that you go to a known family attorney and have him refer you to an advocate who will be able to draft a concise and conclusive opinion on the matter and available routes to take. Its not cheap but one will do anything for family. Especially the children.

First question would be what the agreement says in terms of custody. Was the agreement made an order of court, ie. Settlement agreement (not a necessity but always better and signed by both parties concerned). Does she have a way of supporting the children? Ie job, income, mother who can take car of the kids when she is at work, etc. age is also an issue when it comes to custody.

The best advice i can give is to go the route as suggested above. Should you have any further questions you are more than welcome to ask.

 

[Blert]

Ok read and noted all above.

I have a kid from an ex. At one part of his life he was staying with his mom. I also went though the lawyers and and and bottom line the justice system is so slow and stupid getting it right takes time an patients.
I first went the lawyer route and then faint court route had I known better I would have done it the other way round. So here is my advise.

Step one. Go to family court get a mediation done this will consist of the mediator and the two parents you will not be allowed in there neither the step mother. They discuss all the issues and then come to an agreement. Sign a document saying they both in agreements to X terms and conditions.

Step 2. If this does not work you have to repeat the above total amount of 3 times. Before actually going to actual court. Reason for this is that your gf can prove she has been doing it the civil way.

Step 3. If above does not work now the lawyers get involved. This is the costly part.
It will be a tug of war of he said she said. The lies start flying. This is when it actually gets ugly and a court date is set and the court now intervenes and decides. This can work for you or against you. But being the mother and not been proven she is an unfit I don't see her having a problem winning. If you get you ducks in a row.

By that I mean get written responses from the school of how the kids are. If you can get one from the mother of the father it would be even greater but that's going to be tough. And he best advise ever is have paperwork cause if it's not in black and white you kinda waisting your time.

Now you can see why it's a long process to achieve the goal.
Get hold of the law in regards to kids and use that knowledge.
Good luck hope this helps.
A lawyer will prob tell you a better way bit that's just my experience with the legal route.

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[Pho3niX90]

So basically there has been a satisfactory solution. The kids are going back to stay with their gran which basically raised them. After I had a chat to the dad he clearly understood my intentions. Eventhough I am not 100% at least they will be looked after properly.

Thanks to everyone for their suggestions

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[JayDrft]

Pheonix,

Thats a more reasonable outcome....which is probably not the best, but better than subjecting the kids to undesirable circumstances.

I can understand your frustration, and its not even your blood children. I am fighting the same battle bud, also cant stand seeing my son subjected to what he is(send him to me, with clothes he wore when he was 3 and his 5, constant bruises, a burn wound that has not and is not being treated...I treat it when he comes to me).

Ive sepent a tremendous amount in legal fees, and lucky enough to have an understanding attorney that would arrange advocates at their cost, and I would have to pay them off...Which is not common. Never the less, i ended up representing myself, at no cost and getting some sort of direction(approaching court as a layman, reading legislation(childrens act, unmarried fathers act - superceded by the Childrens act etc).

At the end of the day, the court doesnt have time to look at all the he said, she said stuff...as Blert mentioned, if its not in black and white, it dont mean nothing. I get so frustrated, as they are not paying attention to my child, in teaching him the basics of life, they prefer to restrain the child and let him live like a toddler, just to satisfy their sick and twisted desires. My son is super, and he is being limited in what he needs to learn..and when ever I bring it up, I get laughed at...

I could go on and on for days....however, the day something terrible happens or arises due to their neglegence towards my child - I am there, tooth and nail to fight, to the death if needs be, but I cant permit my son to gorw up in a backwards environment becuase these people want to prove a point to me...

Also to mention, the fact that the father has care of them - it will take a lot from the mothers side to get those children back...A LOT...as someone also mentioned, that by default, the primary care giver is the mother, once she passes or loses that right - its her against the world to get them back(after you mentioned the situation(the sensible and mature thing to do, it put the children in a position, where they will be cared for).

I hope and trust that you guys have sorted it out amicably....but I can agree, a situation where kids are being mistreated, makes ones blood boil.

 

[335i MTX]

First step. Check if the school has a guidance counsellor or resident child psych. Ask mother to arrange for a consult. This is cheapest route to get independent to consult with kids to find out the truth. Get a report from them. Then see an attorney and get mother to apply for primary residence as a matter of urgency depending what the report says. If money is no object get a child psych to meet the kids and give a report on what is going on. Family adv would get involved once an application is issued out of court or is about to be launched. They would need to do their own investigations and give a report of their own in the mothers favour or in the fathers favour. It will cost though to bring such an application. If successful, the father may be ordered to pay a portion of the costs or most depending on what court decides. Despite there being an agreement primary residence of a child is never caste in stone as maintenance and a child's needs change all the time. If she doesn't have a job she should get the father to pay maintenance so she can keep the kids. If she has a job and needs money for proper day care, father can be ordered to contribute. Discuss these options with your attorney.