Remember the Human

[Arbee]

After all the issues we've been having, i remembered an article i read a few years ago on the VWClubSA.

Thank you to Ian for allowing us to copy the thread details.

Rule 1: Remember the human

The golden rule your parents and your kindergarten teacher taught you was pretty simple: Do unto others as you'd have others do unto you. Imagine how you'd feel if you were in the other person's shoes. Stand up for yourself, but try not to hurt people's feelings.

In cyberspace, we state this in an even more basic manner: Remember the human.

When you communicate electronically, all you see is a computer screen. You don't have the opportunity to use facial expressions, gestures, and tone of voice to communicate your meaning; words -- lonely written words -- are all you've got. And that goes for your correspondent as well.

When you're holding a conversation online -- whether it's an email exchange or a response to a discussion group posting -- it's easy to misinterpret your correspondent's meaning. And it's frighteningly easy to forget that your correspondent is a person with feelings more or less like your own.

It's ironic, really. Computer networks bring people together who'd otherwise never meet. But the impersonality of the medium changes that meeting to something less -- well, less personal. Humans exchanging email often behave the way some people behind the wheel of a car do: They curse at other drivers, make obscene gestures, and generally behave like savages. Most of them would never act that way at work or at home. But the interposition of the machine seems to make it acceptable.

The message of Netiquette is that it's not acceptable. Yes, use your network connections to express yourself freely, explore strange new worlds, and boldly go where you've never gone before. But remember the Prime Directive of Netiquette: Those are real people out there.

Would you say it to the person's face?

Writer and Macintosh evangelist Guy Kawasaki tells a story about getting email from some fellow he's never met. Online, this fellow tells Guy that he's a bad writer with nothing interesting to say.

Unbelievably rude? Yes, but unfortunately, it happens all the time in cyberspace.

Maybe it's the awesome power of being able to send mail directly to a well-known writer like Guy. Maybe it's the fact that you can't see his face crumple in misery as he reads your cruel words. Whatever the reason, it's incredibly common.

Guy proposes a useful test for anything you're about to post or mail: Ask yourself, "Would I say this to the person's face?" If the answer is no, rewrite and reread. Repeat the process till you feel sure that you'd feel as comfortable saying these words to the live person as you do sending them through cyberspace.

Of course, it's possible that you'd feel great about saying something extremely rude to the person's face. In that case, Netiquette can't help you. Go get a copy of Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior.

Another reason not to be offensive online

When you communicate through cyberspace -- via email or on discussion groups -- your words are written. And chances are they're stored somewhere where you have no control over them. In other words, there's a good chance they can come back to haunt you.

Never forget the story of famous email user Oliver North. Ollie, you'll remember, was a great devotee of the White House email system, PROFS. He diligently deleted all incriminating notes he sent or received. What he didn't realize was that, somewhere else in the White House, computer room staff were equally diligently backing up the mainframe where his messages were stored. When he went on trial, all those handy backup tapes were readily available as evidence against him.

You don't have to be engaged in criminal activity to want to be careful. Any message you send could be saved or forwarded by its recipient. You have no control over where it goes.

It sum's up a lot of the issues we have been experiencing!

 

[ZMC]

I disagree. What our parents taught us, in general was correct, however things like 'feelings' no sorry. What most people lack is emotional intelligence and awareness of self.

I cannot offend you, unless you choose to be offended, again that is your choice.

 

[Nastaliq]

I disagree.

words have the power of being offensive regardless.
If someone calls you an arsehole, he knows it is offensive as no matter what, the word has a negative and demeaning connotation.

Calling someone an arsehole for example and then saying you dont know what the guy is upset about is bullshit. You cant say the guy has chosen to be offended.

words such as these have the intended effect of offending people no matter what.
We know those words to be:
Arsehole, knob, moffie, etc and if you can continue listing them and know what the etc will be in that sentence, then you know what words are offensive to people.

Saying that when you call a guy a moffie, you meant it in a nice way is also bullshit.
"I cannot offend you, unless you choose to be offended, again that is your choice." - false

Yes some of us have thicker skins than others, but every guy can be offended by something, and saying that, it was his choice to not be offended at insult 1,2 or 500 but offended at insult 501 is also false. The chap was offended all 500 times, but could not contain that for insult 501.

 

[Arbee]

I disagree. What our parents taught us, in general was correct, however things like 'feelings' no sorry. What most people lack is emotional intelligence and awareness of self.

I cannot offend you, unless you choose to be offended, again that is your choice.

To an extent, yes you are correct.

Being the internet, nothing should be taken to heart, pinch of salt attitude should be adopted.

However, a message is portrayed by the way it is received! Hence the post, to remind that it is actually a person on the other end, with feelings and emotions, there's a big difference between telling a person he/she is wrong and advising a person he/she is wrong.

When a message is sent, act as if the person is standing in front of you. Remember, the reaction then is going to be different, the person might break down and cry, you will not walk away and leave the person. I am sure any person would feel hurt that he has made another person cry. OR. You tell someone something and he swings a punch, unexpected but then you got o carry your weight.

Hope im making sense... I tend to ramble of sometimes!

None of us know it all, i have personally learnt a lot from many members, vice versa.

 

[ZMC]

Again, incorrect. it's not BS. It's just a word. A word has no feeling/emotion attached to it. You choose how to interpret it. Either you choose to be affected or not. It's not about a thicker skin or not, has nothing to do with it.

You lack of understanding of choice inhibits your view on this issue.

There are many books/videos/teachings/materials one can read on this if you think I'm talking BS.

 

[Arbee]

Lets have a healthy conversation here please? Just putting this out there BEFORE it turns nasty.

 

[ZMC]

This is a healthy conversation. Why do you question that?

 

[Nastaliq]

Lets have a healthy conversation here please? Just putting this out there BEFORE it turns nasty.

i agree, although I would suggest just closing the thread before it does.

ZMC has his opinion, and I have mine.
They are different and we are entitled to them.

I understand the premise of his argument, but do not agree.
Thats where we are at.

I am unable to convince him otherwise and I am not to be shaken from my position on the matter either. As such, I respectfully have nothing further to contribute.

 

[ZMC]

It's good to chat and we do not have to agree. However, no need to close the thread due to different opinions.

 

[Arbee]

This is a healthy conversation. Why do you question that?

Just a statement... No need to be offended by it

 

[Arbee]

It's good to chat and we do not have to agree. However, no need to close the thread due to different opinions.

Hence my statement about "healthy debate"

We will only close it if it goes out of hand!

 

[ZMC]

This is a healthy conversation. Why do you question that?

Just a statement... No need to be offended by it

? Offended? I'm not offended, I asked you a question.

 

[RAArmstrong]

Its good to also take ones opinions onboard and consider them... Who knows you might just learn something

 

[ZMC]

Exactly. If something does not compute to one's way of thinking, that challenges what you always thought was right, there's no need to become defensive.

There seems to be an impending threat of people expressing their views on this forum, 'We will only close it if it goes out of hand!'. Who determines that? How do you know if it has gone out of hand, what if it is simply people expressing their views? Is that wrong? If those views are not your view, is that getting out of hand?

#justcurious

 

[Arbee]

This is a healthy conversation. Why do you question that?

Just a statement... No need to be offended by it

? Offended? I'm not offended, I asked you a question.

Sweet!

 

[dvst8]

Agree Yas and Nastalic.

There is no emotion displayed with text. Interpretation is left to the reader.

And that's what it's all about, Interpretation !

Human nature is to take offense. People take offense for many different reasons. Emotional intelligence varies with personality. ZMC may have a personality where nothing phases him. Others online may have the personality that the slightest sense of insult will offend.

What is important is to be aware of the fact that online communities are made up of people with different personalities and life experiences that will affect the their interpretation.

 

[ZMC]

Agree

 

[Arbee]

Exactly. If something does not compute to one's way of thinking, that challenges what you always thought was right, there's no need to become defensive.

There seems to be an impending threat of people expressing their views on this forum, 'We will only close it if it goes out of hand!'. Who determines that? How do you know if it has gone out of hand, what if it is simply people expressing their views? Is that wrong? If those views are not your view, is that getting out of hand?

#justcurious

That is a valid question... The simple answer - The forum has staff, a group of vastly different people. When a decision is made, we dont just fire off, well in future we wont just fire off and do as we please.

A lot more info will be released soon and you will then see that we are going forward with a different, consistent approach.

ZMC, i sort of agree with you in some cases. Yes, we cannot be babied, we adults and we need to stand up for ourselves. You got to see things from our side, and when i say our i mean as staff. We have a lot to uphold to keep the forum running, its really not an easy job.

 

[Arbee]

Agree Yas and Nastalic.

There is no emotion displayed with text. Interpretation is left to the reader.

And that's what it's all about, Interpretation !

Human nature is to take offense. People take offense for many different reasons. Emotional intelligence varies with personality. ZMC may have a personality where nothing phases him. Others online may have the personality that the slightest sense of insult will offend.

What is important is to be aware of the fact that online communities are made up of people with different personalities and life experiences that will affect the their interpretation.

Now that is a response where the human has been remembered.

This is utterly important!

 

[GoCart]

You cannot sell this place as a "community" or "family" and then state that it is but the internet and people should not be offended..

Rather sell it for what it is then: a shit slinging tool and be done with it.

To be part of the Fanatics Community, should we all not be sensitive to others feelings, or what ever you want to call it, no mater how awesome we think we are?